Hanging On
by The Telepathic Hawk
Summary: Sequel to "Hang On To Me." After Ryan's medical scare and their subsequent coming out life goes on for Chad and Ryan. But, no one ever said it would be easy. Chad/Ryan
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical nor do I make any profit off of the writing of this story.**

**Author's Note: Sequel to "Hang On To Me." But, I'm not sure where to go from here. I've been rather discouraged lately. No one has reviewed three of my last four postings. I would REALLY appreciate a review if you have the time. Thanks, T.H.**

"Chad, Ryan's here!" Ayana Danforth called out to her youngest son as she smiled brightly at his boyfriend and tried to pretend that she didn't hear the crash from Chad's room that meant he'd tripped over something and the very creative shouted curse that followed.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She heard the door to her son's room open quickly and Chad's clear, disembodied voice floated down the stairs, "Tell him I'll be down in a minute, Mama!"

The door slammed again and was promptly followed by another string of very creative words she was sure were supposed to be another curse. But, she couldn't fault him. It was creative, not obscene. She shook her head. Chad was her baby, and she loved him, but sometimes she just had to shake her head over him. He was so much like his father, she mused. Jackson Danforth had always been a bit dramatic, a bit over the top. No one had ever doubted what Jackson Danforth was feeling. He carried his heart on his sleeve and his emotions right there on his face and he had passed that trait on to their youngest. Both of them could also be loud, she admitted silently, wishing it was a trait that Chad hadn't picked up from Jackson. She winced when she heard him running, like a small elephant, into the bathroom, and then turned to smile at Ryan again. He was looking up at the ceiling Chad had just run across, just over his head, smiling that gentle smile that was only ever associated with his much loved boyfriend. He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and looked back at her. She laughed when he just shrugged and sighed. Yes, Ryan did know her baby and he loved him. She loved him all the more for it.

She took a moment to study him. Ryan seemed dressed to the nines this evening. Not that he didn't always look good. Her boy's sweet love had more fashion sense that she and her daughters combined. But, tonight seemed somehow different. She was sure she had seen him in that same outfit before. After all, it was just jeans and the dark blue with white stripes button down that made his eyes pop, as he said. He had his white newsboy cap tipped at a chic angle on his blonde hair, but he was almost always wearing a hat. The only time she had ever seen him without one was when he was in the hospital just a couple of months ago. She didn't want to think of that, as it still made her heart a little heavy to think of Ryan as anything less than fully healthy, and continued her observation. Was his shirt ironed just a little crisper this evening? Was something new? She couldn't find anything in his clothes.

She realized that it was in Ryan himself. In the way he was standing, the way he was holding himself. He had always seemed like a very happy person to her in general, content with everything in his life, ecstatic in his love for Chad, but there was such a peace and inner joy in him tonight and she wasn't sure how to explain it. He was practically glowing. She smiled. Whatever it was he had to tell Chad this evening must be very good. He had been gone over the weekend and Chad had been driving her crazy with his pouting and moping that alternated with a high-strung nervousness that she couldn't explain until she had demanded that Darrick, his older brother, take him off of her hands for a while. Darrick had taken Chad over to his own house to help with the building of a sun deck off of his master bedroom for his wife. Emily was a week and a half overdue, but still so sweet that when she had made the request for the deck Darrick had not been able to deny it. She reminded herself to tell Chad to make sure no matter where he went tonight his phone was on at all times just in case Emily went into labor.

"Did you have a good weekend, sweetheart?" She asked Ryan, hoping to get something more out of him than she had gotten out of Chad.

"The best," He answered, "But, if you don't mind, I want to tell Chad about it first?"

It had become a question, and she just smiled at him as Chad barreled down the stairs to let him know that she did not, indeed, mind at all. Chad, she was surprised, had put on a clean pair of jeans and a black button down shirt that he only ever wore on special occasions. He had bound his abundant hair back in a tail tied in a strip of leather that had come from his sister, Hazel, when his hair had begun to get long. She was so surprised to see him out of his worded tee-shirts and dirty jeans that she wasn't able to speak for a moment.

Despite his exuberant entrance, Chad took Ryan's face between his hands gently and kissed him softly in greeting. Ryan held onto Chad's wrists and Ayana had a passing thought that she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life than this love that was so obvious between her youngest and this young man she had come to love so much as well. Then she thought of her other children, moments shared with her late husband, and her grandchildren and knew she was just being sentimental because soon enough Chad and Ryan would be off at school and she would have an empty nest. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with that, but quickly decided to worry about it when the time came. She still had a couple of weeks of school left and all of the summer. No need to borrow trouble.

"I won't be too late, Ma," Chad turned to her.

"I should think not," she put her hands on her hips and looked at the boys in front of her with mock severity, "It's a school night." She smiled at them. "Have a good time, darlings." She kissed them both and smiled as Chad held the door open for Ryan.

"Love you!" He called behind him.

"Love you! Keep your phone on!" She called back. She turned away as the door shut. Looked like she wasn't going to be able to hold in her bittersweet melancholy after all. Chad had just looked so grown-up. Maybe she would go put on a sad movie so that she could have an excuse for a good, long cry.

"Well?" Chad asked as soon as they were in his truck and on the road.

"Well what?" Ryan hid a smile behind a look of innocence, "Are you going to tell me where we're going? Why did you change after school?"

"Why did you?" Chad asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"You told me to look nice," Ryan lifted an eyebrow right back at him.

"That I did, Mr. I Like To Change The Subject. Come on. Please. I'm dying here. You didn't call me all weekend and you didn't say a word in school. I didn't mention it to anyone because you asked me not to, but, come on, Ryan! There's only so much waiting and secrecy I can take! What happened?" His final question was punctuated by a quick stop when he looked away from Ryan and noticed that the light had turned red. They both jerked forward but were stopped by their seatbelts.

"Promise not to kill us if I tell you?" Ryan tried to control the high, tight pitch of his voice, but didn't quite succeed.

Chad took a couple of breaths to steady his heart and looked over at Ryan quickly before looking back at the stop light, "Promise."

"Okay…" Ryan breathed out, "Could you pull into a parking lot or something? I want to be able to look at you when I say this."

"Sure." They were silent as Chad began to drive again and kept a look out for a parking lot that he could pull into. He chanced a quick glance at Ryan, only to see him looking back with a soft, unreadable smile on his face, and reached over to take Ryan's hand in his own. Ryan squeezed his fingers and held tight as Chad pulled the car into a gas station. No sooner had he turned the key then he turned in the seat to look at Ryan.

"Well?"

"Well," Ryan's smiled widened in pure joy, "I'm in."

"You…You're…You're in!" Chad wrapped Ryan in his arms and crowed in triumph, "Congratulations! I knew you could do it! God, I'm so proud of you! So, what happened? Tell me everything."

"I was so nervous," Ryan admitted, turning to look out the window at the passing cars and smiling when Chad pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Ryan's waist. Ryan took a moment to settle in against Chad's chest and linked his fingers with one of the hands around his waist, "I know I'm not up to one hundred percent in my dance yet and I knew that they could see it. The combination was hard and tiring, but nothing I shouldn't have been able to do. I was so sure they were going to say that I needed some more work before I auditioned for them again. After I changed out of my audition clothes I was so ready to go back to the hotel and cry and feel sorry for myself and wish that I could explain what had happened in the past couple of months. Then, a lady came up and asked me to come to her office." He paused and Chad pinched his side playfully.

"Yeah. Who was it?"

"Tala Alterman."

"Who is Tala Alterman?" Chad asked, confused.

"The founder of the Alterman school and company and their advanced instructor," Ryan couldn't hold in his excitement any longer and squealed happily before turning around in Chad's embrace and pressing his lips to Chad's. Chad just held him closer, accepted, and deepened the kiss. Ryan pulled his knees up onto the bench seat to give him more leverage and buried his hands in Chad's hair before attacking his mouth with renewed vigor. It had been so hard to keep everything he wanted to shout out to the world inside all day. It had been even harder to keep it from Chad all day when he had wanted Chad to be as proud of him as he was of himself. He sighed as they broke apart momentarily to change the angle of the kiss, then dove back in, loving the taste that was uniquely Chad, a combination of his wintergreen toothpaste and a kind of spice that Ryan couldn't name. He wished he wasn't a teenager as he began to get aroused. It was a little embarrassing how quickly Chad could turn him on, even in public. When they were in private, it was wonderful, but he didn't like not being able to control himself at other times. He smiled against Chad's mouth and gasped a little when Chad's hips lifted to his and he could feel that Chad was just as hot for him as he was for Chad. Perhaps it wasn't so embarrassing after all.

"Ry…" Chad pulled away from the kiss.

"I know," Ryan set his forehead to Chad's and panted a little, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Chad laughed and gave Ryan one more chaste kiss, "I want to make love with you. Tonight. But, I want it to be somewhere other than my truck." They both laughed, "So…tell me what Ms. Alterman said."

Ryan nodded and shifted so that he was comfortably sitting against Chad again, this time with his cheek to Chad's chest, "She took me into her office and sat down with me on this great massage table and asked me what was up. She said she could tell that I was much better, much stronger than I had shown in the audition and wanted to know what was wrong with me. I told her what happened and she said she understood, welcome to the Alterman school of Performance."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," Ryan turned his face up for a kiss.

"I have some good news, too," Chad smiled before granting him the kiss.

"What's that?"

"I got my acceptance letter to Denver University this weekend. I'm coming to Colorado with you."

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Chad…it's always been your dream to go to U of A."

Chad just shrugged, "As we get older we get more mature and our dreams change. I have new dreams now. I can sill play basketball, but even if I couldn't, Ryan, it wouldn't matter. I'm not good enough to go pro anyway."

"Chad…"

"No, it's true. I can admit it. I'm good, but not that good. I'll have to find a new passion in college. It'll be okay. The only thing that really matters is that I'm with you. You're my dream now, Ryan. I love you. I want you to be excited that we're going to be together."

"I love you, too, Chad," Ryan kissed him briefly, "I am excited that we're going to be together. You're my dream, too."

"Good," Chad shifted and motioned to Ryan to put his seatbelt back on, "Now, I want you to close your eyes. I'm going to put a blindfold on you and you're going to be breathless with joy when you open your eyes at your surprise."

"Oh, will I?" Ryan questioned but closed his eyes obediently.

"Yes," Chad said arrogantly, "You will."

Chad ended up being right. When Chad finally took the blindfold from Ryan's eyes as told him to open them he had no idea where they had ended up. But, when he did finally open his eyes they filled with tears immediately. Chad had brought him to the restaurant that they had had their first date, only they had been pretending they were just friends at the time. Now, Chad walked into the small Italian bistro holding his hand and making it obvious what they were to each other.

"Just thought we've been through so much this year, we should bring it full circle. I told you I would never be ashamed of what we have. And I won't. Not just at school where all of our friends are with us, but everywhere."

"Thank you, Chad."

Even though they got strange looks, some interested, some openly hostile or disgusted, Ryan could only smile as a waitress led them to the same corner booth they had shared nearly a year ago when they had first come. They had just been seated when Chad's phone began to buzz. He took it out and read the text, his eyes going wide before a smile spread across his face.

"Well, it might have been a good, thoughtful idea, but we have to go now!"

"What? Why?"

"Emily's just gone into labor."

Ryan jumped up from his seat and grabbed Chad's hand. They got even more strange looks as they ran from the restaurant, laughing like loons.


	2. Chapter 2

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

"You're asleep on your feet, babe," Chad smiled as he turned to Ryan, who was leaning against a wall, and ran a hand over his smooth blonde hair, for once without a hat to cover it because he was holding it in his hands. He pressed a kiss gently to the back of Ryan's neck and chuckled lightly when Ryan just made a sound not unlike a purr from the back of his throat.

"It is almost four o'clock in the morning," Ryan pointed out without opening his eyes, but leaning into Chad when he moved so that he could take Ryan in his arms. He sighed into Chad's strong embrace and laid his head against Chad's chest, wrapping his arms around his slim waist.

"I can take you home if you want," Chad offered, closing his own eyes, "Then I can come back, call you when the main event is over."

"Are you kidding?" Ryan sighed again, more asleep than awake, "You couldn't pry me away."

"Are _you_ kidding?" Chad laughed out loud this time, "A stiff wind could blow you over right now, dance boy. Not that it can't normally."

"Are we getting into my weight again?" Ryan giggled, "I thought we agreed, on penalty of no sex, not to talk about it anymore."

"No, we're not getting into your weight," Chad argued with Ryan good-naturedly.

They'd been at the hospital for close to eight hours already, having gotten there just after they received the text that Emily had gone into labor. They had quickly realized that labor, having babies, waiting for them to be born, was not at all like the movies. It took a long time and it was kind of a relief that when they had gotten there the contractions had hurt, but not so bad that Emily was screaming or cursing or hitting like they had been fearing for the past couple of weeks. It was even more of a relief to both of them when they learned that they weren't expected to be in the delivery room. Only Darrick and Ayana would be there for that. Until things started to get intense they only had one assignment, make sure Emily was calm and happy and keep her mind off of the pain. They took turns with Carmen, Ayana, Darrick, and Paul walking with her up and down the hallways when she felt like walking and went to buy flowers to make the bright, airy, already comfortable birthing room feel better for Emily when she insisted that she needed something living in the room with her. Chad had braided her hair, inexpertly, but it was a worthy effort, when she had asked him to do so while Ayana and Carmen massaged her feet. They played music, a couple of CDs Ryan had put together for her, and she had laughed, making them all sigh in relief, when Ryan had forced Darrick into an impromptu waltz around the room that carried into the hallway, getting more silly each time they passed the door. The waltz had continued until a nurse had scolded them good naturedly about a hospital not being a dance hall. Emily had laughed even harder when her husband and her little brother's boyfriend had come back into the room, looking completely unrepentant. It had carried on like that for nearly six hours before things had started to get really intense and the cursing and the hitting had started. They'd both been surprised to see sweet, even tempered Emily taking swings at Darrick and cursing at him in at least three different languages. It was at that point that Ayana had gently shooed them, and Paul, out of the room, with promises that Carmen would be out when Emily was moved into the delivery room. More importantly, though she didn't tell them, they would be out of the way.

As they were walking to the waiting room the elevator had opened to reveal Jamal and Hazel. After quick greetings and explanations Hazel had run into the room pulling Jamal behind her. Just a few minutes after Jamal had come back out of the room and joined them in the waiting room, pulling out a deck of cards and asking the three of them if they wanted to play poker. After a couple of hands the game had devolved into tossing the deck of into Ryan's hat one by one from across the waiting room. That had gotten old much more quickly than poker and, to keep themselves from being too nervous, Ryan and Chad had gone to raid the twenty-four hour cafeteria for all for all of them.

Now, almost two hours of waiting room coffee and surprisingly decent sandwiches, card games and catnaps later they were still waiting, but excited. They were having a baby tonight! Or this morning. It didn't really matter. It was very much like it had been when Carmen had gone into labor. For them, babies were a family celebration and none of them would have missed it for the world. Chad knew that Ryan meant it when he said that he wouldn't have been pried away and it made him feel so good knowing that Ryan had really begun to think of himself as a member of the family. They all already considered him a member of their clan, but Ryan's family was much more reserved than his own. He had worried, for a time, that Ryan wouldn't be able to get used to the level of physical affection and nosiness his family brought to every single aspect of their lives. But, he realized now that he needn't have worried at all. Ryan had acclimated to them as if he had always been with them. And they had acclimated to him as well. They loved him almost as much as Chad loved him.

"Where are Bri and Jackson again?" Ryan murmured, referring to Carmen and Paul's kids.

"They're with Car and Paul's neighbors," Chad murmured into his hair, feeling so calm just holding Ryan. He had been worried that being at the hospital again would bring back bad memories for both of them, but so far the joy of new life had eclipsed anything dark from their minds, "They'll be here tomorrow after school lets out, I'm sure."

"School," Ryan moaned, burying his face in Chad's neck.

"I'm sure our parents will excuse us," Chad assured him, "Want to spend the day with me? We can watch a movie, nap on the couch, do…other things."

"Sounds great," Ryan whispered, "Sleep sounds great."

Chad picked Ryan up gently and walked over to the chairs, sitting in one and cradeling Ryan to him, allowing himself a little bit of a catnap at the same time. It might have been ten seconds or ten minutes later when he came back to full wakefulness to see Hazel crouching down in front of them.

"You guys are so sweet it's sick," She rolled her eyes at him. He stuck out his tongue at her and grinned when she snapped her teeth at him.

"What's up?" He asked.

"They're going to move Emily into a delivery room in a couple of minutes so it shouldn't be long now. You might want to wake Ryan up and take him for a short walk outside or something. You know he'll never forgive you if he's half asleep the first time he sees the baby."

"How is Emily?" Chad asked as he stretched as best he could.

"She's a Spartan," Hazel grinned, "She's good."

"Carmen waking Paul up?"

"Yeah. I gotta go wake up Jamal now. Wake up your boyfriend, little brother."

"Yeah yeah."

When Hazel left Chad began the task of waking up Ryan, not easy on a normal day. He shook him a little, called his name, and when that didn't work, began to kiss him. When he felt Ryan beginning to stir he deepened the kiss, moaning from the back of his throat when Ryan buried his fingers in his hair and tugged gently.

"Hi," Ryan whispered when Chad pulled back and set his forehead to Chad's.

"Hi," Chad whispered back, "Want to walk? Wake up a little? Won't be long now."

"Yeah."

When Chad and Ryan came back ten minutes later Carmen could only roll her eyes at their flushed cheeks and mussed clothes and hair from her position tucked into Paul's arms. It was obvious what the walk Hazel had suggested they go on had entailed. She couldn't help but smile though, even as she was rolling her eyes, at the way they stood so close, almost linked at the hip and the way their fingers were entwined. Maybe she was just a little sentimental because they were just waiting to see a new life to the world and she was carrying her third in her womb herself- something she hadn't yet revealed to anyone else- but it brought a tear to her eye to see her little brother so in love with a boy who complimented him so well. They were so different, but she could already tell that Chad had given away his heart for life. It was wonderful to see and she couldn't help but feel weepy. She wondered how it made their mother feel, but decided she'd have to ask later when Ayana walked down the hall, wiping tears from her eyes. But, she was smiling, so they didn't worry. It was a little akin to a stampede as the six of them ran to her.

"How are they, Mama?" Carmen asked.

"What's the name?" Chad asked at the same time.

"How's Darrick?" Jamal wanted to know.

"Is the baby healthy?" Ryan questioned.

"It's a girl, isn't it?" Hazel asked.

"Is it a boy?" Paul asked, earning a glare from Hazel.

"Calm down," Ayana laughed at them, then, with a practiced ease from having four children, answered all of the questions in quick succession, "They're all wonderful. Darrick and Emily have decided to name the baby Sage. Darrick's doing just fine. The baby is perfect, Ryan. No, Hazel, you have a nephew and yes, Paul, it's a boy. And you'll all get to meet him right now. Come into the room and kiss Emily, Darrick, and our new baby goodnight. We'll see them more tomorrow."

Ryan held onto Chad's arm tight as they walked into the room and fought not to squeal at the cute picture the new family made on the hospital bed. He didn't understand how Emily could look so wonderful after having just given birth. She must have scrubbed her face and brushed her hair because her cheeks were pleasantly pink and not a strand of her dark hair was out place in the braid she wore it in. Darrick was sitting next to her on the bed, looking more exhausted that her, his arms around her helping her to support their new baby. At first all they could see was a shock of dark hair.

"Ten fingers, ten toes," Emily said quietly as they approached, "His father's hair."

"And his mother's nose," Darrick finished, "His name is Sage."

Chad and Ryan quietly waited their turn to say goodnight. After Chad had kissed Emily, hugged his brother and cupped the new baby's head gently he went to say goodnight to his mother, leaving Ryan to say goodnight to the new family.

"His name is Sage Evan Danforth, Ryan," Emily said quietly.

"I…" Ryan felt himself tearing up and tried to speak around the lump of emotion in his throat, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, buddy," Darrick squeezed his shoulder gently, "We just wanted you to know how much we appreciate you bringing Chad to life, and how much this family loves you. You're a member of the Danforth clan now, whether you like it or not. Even if something should happen between you and Chad…"

"Not that we think it will," Emily put in.

"You're still part of our family. We love you, bud."

"I love you, too."

"Now go get some sleep," Emily murmured, setting a hand to his cheek, "You look about as tired as I feel."

"Yeah, okay. I really do love you guys."

"We know, Ryan," Darrick smiled and pulled him into a one armed hug, "Thanks for being here tonight."

Ryan fell asleep in Chad's truck on the way to the house, and didn't wake until Chad was climbing into the bed behind him to hold him close.

"Where are we?" Ryan mumbled.

"My place. We'll sleep for a bit and go to school later if we feel up to it."

"Couldn't we just stay home and watch a movie or something?" Ryan moaned, "Sage, the most perfect baby in the world, was born last night. Let's celebrate by letting ourselves be lazy."

"No dance classes today?" Ryan could almost feel Chad's eyebrow raise. He rolled over in Chad's strong embrace and kissed his neck sensually, making him moan.

"Not today." He knew his voice was husky with both sleep and desire and could only sigh in happiness when Chad rolled on top of him.

"If we start it can you finish it, babe?" Chad asked.

"I believe, Mr. Danforth, that I should take that as a challenge."

And Chad laughed, "I believe, Mr. Evans, that you should."

**A/N: Please, PLEASE leave a review if you have a moment. I would really appreciate it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

**A/N: WARNING: This chapter could make some uncomfortable. It is not explicitly sexual, but does deal partially with the sexual aspect of Ryan and Chad's relationship. If you don't like that, please just don't read. Sorry this has been so long in coming and that it is so short and thanks to all who continue to read it.**

"Chad…" There was a persistent pleasant jolt along his spine that accompanied the soft voice just next to his ear as he was brought slowly into wakefulness. Slowly and pleasantly, he thought as he realized that the persistent pleasure was Ryan pressing kisses to the back of his neck and shoulders.

"Mmm…" he moaned and turned his head away from Ryan, smiling secretly as he did so, knowing that it would annoy Ryan just a little bit.

"Chad…" Ryan's voice took on a distinctly annoyed, whining tone. Chad had to resist a chuckle when Ryan straddled his back and leaned down over him. The chuckle turned into a moan that he bit back when he realized that they were, both of them, buck naked, "Chad," Ryan whispered right next to his ear, "Chad, I don't know where you put our clothes and your mother is right downstairs. She'll probably head up in a minute here."

With practiced grace and a laugh Ryan rolled off of Chad as he sat up and began frantically looking for his clothes. It took him a moment before he realized that Ryan was just sitting on the bed, hands folded demurely in a lap covered by the sheet, watching him and laughing without sound. It took him a moment more, blinking at Ryan stupidly, to put two and two together. When he finally did he growled from the back of his throat and launched himself at Ryan. They were both laughing hard as Chad laid Ryan out over the bed and pinned him with his own body.

"Not funny at all, Ry," he tried to look severe, but the laughter that shook him ruined the effect. Ryan laughed right along with him, then framed Chad's face with his hands.

"You should have seen your face," He giggled, "I don't think I've ever seen you move so fast."

"Just because my mama loves us," Chad murmured, "Doesn't mean that she's gonna want to see us…like this."

"Hmm," Ryan moaned quietly from the back of his throat as Chad's hips pressed more tightly to his. Their physical love life was, on an everyday basis, wonderful and passionate but there had been something about it recently, since they had come out to all of their family and friends, that made it so much better. It was strange, but sometimes Ryan could swear that he could feel Chad's thoughts and emotions in his own heads when they made love. Of course, that was ridiculous, but as Chad kissed him senseless and their hips connected, sending sparks of desire through him, and it was all so wonderful and intense he almost believed it yet again.

"What time is it?" Chad asked as he pulled back slightly to press kisses to Ryan's neck and chest.

Ryan tried to concentrate and looked at the clock. He blinked twice at the neon numbers before he was able to answer, "Nearly two o'clock," around a moan.

Chad hummed from the back of his throat and sat up, much to Ryan's disappointment, "We'd better get into the shower, don't you think?"

"Shower?" Ryan's brain felt fuzzy as Chad kept running his thumb over his palm in just the way he knew would drive Ryan to distraction.

"Yeah," Chad put his feet on the ground and stood, resisting the urge to laugh when Ryan followed like a puppy, still a little dazed, when he pulled him up, "We should probably make an appearance at the hospital when Bri and Jackson are there, don't you think? See Emily and Darrick? Hold Sage for a little bit?"

"Hmm," Ryan smiled dazedly when Chad held him close even as he reached behind himself to turn on the shower, "Sounds good."

"How long has it been since we made love in the shower?" Chad asked suddenly.

Ryan's dazed smile turned into a feral grin, "Too long."

"Thought so." They were both laughing as they jumped into the tub and under the spray of warm water.

* * *

"Mr. Danforth, please take your seat. Mr. Evans will still be here at the end of homeroom. Mr. Bolton, the same goes for Ms. Montez. Sit, both of you."

Chad flashed a grin at Ryan before he gave Ms. Darbus an apologetic, sheepish smile, completely false, of course, and moved to sit down in his own chair. After their shared shower the previous afternoon they had gone to the hospital where they had spent time holding Sage and entertaining Bri and Jackson so that the adults could coo over the baby without interruption. Entertaining had eventually turned into a game of hide and seek out on the grounds when the two young children had become too restless to stay inside without damaging something. When Carmen and Paul had decided that it was time to go, Chad and Ryan had had to promise that they would be over soon to play with the kids again to prevent a major scene from occurring when their parents came to get them. When they had gone back inside Ayana had met them in the hall, saying that the young family was taking a quick nap but that the doctor had been by and said that Emily and Sage were looking just perfect and would be able to go home the next morning. When she had hugged Chad she had whispered that she knew their special night had been interrupted and had slipped a fifty into his hand and told him to treat Ryan to dinner like he had intended. When Chad had objected to taking her money she had just given him the look that he could not argue with. The look that said "I'm your mama, boy. You really want to argue with me?" Chad had decided he didn't want to, not at all. Their dinner had been wonderful and they'd gone back to Ryan's to make love one last time before Chad had gone home. He'd picked Ryan up just an hour before.

Now, looking at Ryan he had to wonder how he had gotten so lucky. Everything seemed to be just about perfect right now. He had the best family in the world, great friends who accepted him just as he was, and a boyfriend he would do anything for who would do anything for him. Ryan was well, both in body and spirit and he knew that it was key in his own continued mental and physical health. In the fall he would be heading to a great school and he'd only be an hour away from Ryan. He didn't know what he wanted to do yet, but figured that didn't really matter just yet. He still had time to figure it out. As he leaned back, putting his hands behind his head nonchalantly and watched Ryan paying rapt attention to whatever Ms. Darbus was prattling on about he just didn't think that life could get any better than it was right now and that fact could only make him smile.

**A/N: Okay, here's where I ask for help. I'm a little stuck. I'd appreciate any ideas on where to go from here. I need some conflict in the story, but Chad and Ryan have proven their loyalty to each other, so having them break up would be out of character and Ryan's health declining seems redundant. Any ideas aside from those would be very greatly appreciated! Please PM or review. If I use someone's idea I promise to give full credit where it is due! Thanks so much! T.H.**


	4. Chapter 4

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

"Good game," Chad sighed as he collapsed bodily on the soft grass next to Troy's basketball court. He grabbed his water bottle, taking a deep pull of the water before splashing some on his overheated face.

"For me maybe," Troy laughed as he threw himself next to Chad on the ground and took the water bottle from his outstretched hand, "Totally whooped your ass."

"Yeah yeah," Chad muttered, throwing his arm over his eyes to block the sun from his vision, "You cheat."

"Moi?" Troy dumped the remaining contents of the water bottle on Chad's chest, thoroughly soaking his t-shirt. His brows knit when Chad made a sound of displeasure from the back of his throat, but otherwise didn't move, "Hey, man, you okay?"

"Yeah," Chad took his arm from his eyes and looked over at Troy, "Just thinking."

"Thinking?" Troy attempted to lighten the heavy mood he could sense approaching in Chad's tone, "Don't hurt yourself."

"Naw, Troy, I'm trying to be serious here," Chad looked at him pointedly.

"Okay, I get it. Sorry," Troy turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow, "So what's on your mind, pal?"

Chad looked back up at the sky, trying to draw pictures in the clouds as he put his thoughts together into the words he wanted to say, "Did you ever think we would end up here, Troy? Like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…all our lives we planned to go to U of A together. You know, be Redhawks, play ball. It was all we ever wanted. And now, all of the sudden, a year and a half has changed so much. Look at us, Troy, we graduate tomorrow. Neither of us are going to U of A. You're going to California, following a girl."

"Hey!" Troy's voice was defensive, "Gabriella's more than just a girl and I'm not going to Berkley just because it's closer to her, you know. Berkley has the better drama program and still has a good basketball team."

"I know Gabriella's more than just a girl, Hoops," Chad sighed, "She's really great and you love her and I'm happy for you. But, that's what I'm talking about. Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, imagine that you would be choosing a college because it had the better drama program?"

"Guess not," Troy rolled onto his back and looked up to the clouds as well, "But…I…I'm happy, man. More than I thought I could be. Everything's cool and it just kind of fits, you know? It's different than I thought it would be, but better. God, that sounds lame."

"Not really," Chad snorted, "I mean, I'm right there with you. A year and a half ago I knew exactly what I wanted. I was gonna go to U of A with you, hopefully make the NBA someday, marry some girl, have a family. Now, look at me, man. I'm heading to Colorado to be with the guy I love. Setting aside that fact or a sec, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life yet, just that I'm not good enough to be in the NBA. College ball's gonna be fun, but I know that that's as far as I'll go. And you know what? I'm cool with that. For the first time in my life I'm cool with not knowing what I want to do. All I know that I want to do right now is be with Ryan. He's like, become the center of everything, you know?"

Chad turned to Troy and winced at the look on Troy's face. His best friend had been awfully supportive of him in the past months, but it couldn't be comfortable to hear things like this from a best friend you had presumed heterosexual, like yourself, most of your life.

"Sorry, man. Overshare?"

"No, man," Troy continued to look at the clouds, "Not really. I'm cool with you and Ryan. You know that. I was just thinking about how pathetic we both sound. We sound like a couple of love sick idiots."

"Hate to break it to you, Troy, but we are a couple of love sick idiots."

"Oh yeah," Troy tried to shrug but it was hard when he was laying flat on his back, "So…you really don't think you have what it takes for the NBA?"

"I'm good, but I'm not that good. I've come to terms with it. Tell you the truth, I'm kind of looking forward to being able to find out what else I'm good at, something else I might love, like your drama thing. What are you planning on doing?"

"I'm gonna work hard on 'em both," Troy gnawed his lower lip a little, "I still want to try for the NBA, see what I might be able to do, but the stage feels good, too. I guess I'm not really sure where it's going either. I'm kinda cool with it, too." He laughed a little, "Go figure, right?"

"Yeah, go figure." Chad laughed, too.

"Chad?" Ryan's voice suddenly pulled Chad out of his daydream of the conversation he'd had with Troy nearly three months before. It had been hard to see Troy off to California just a few days before. They'd tried to hide it, but neither of them had been able to deny the fact that their eyes were wet as they gave each other one last hug and promised to call, saying they'd see each other at Christmas at the very latest. But, who knew if they were ever going to see each other again? No matter what happened, no matter how much they told each other and themselves that they would stay in touch, who knew if they would actually do what they said? It would be hard and he wanted to believe that they would always be best friends, but he was also realistic.

Or maybe he was just being a little manic, a little depressed because today was the day he left his mama and his entire family in New Mexico while he headed off to the unknown. Granted it was only really a state away and he and Ryan could even come home for any weekend they wanted, but it was the first time that he would ever really be going away from home. He looked at the back of his truck loaded down with all of the things he would be taking to Denver with him, then looked at Ryan's new SUV, loaded with his belongings. It had been a gift from his parents for graduation and at the moment Zeke was checking out all of the extras, ecstatic about driving it all the way to Colorado with Sharpay. They'd be following Chad and Ryan in his truck, then flying back. Their semester didn't start until a week after Chad and Ryan's and they were both more than happy to have the opportunity to spend the time together before school started. If their relationship could survive the six and a half hour non-stop drive to Denver than they could survive anything, he figured. He had no such worries about his and Ryan's relationship.

He did, however, have his worries that their families were going to survive this day. He looked over at Darrick, holding Sage while he tried to get their sister and his wife to smile. He was failing miserably because every time either Carmen or Emily looked over at Chad's truck they burst into tears again. Paul was trying, unsuccessfully, to get the kids out of Ryan's SUV without actually having to drag them out. Chad shook his head and tried not to roll his eyes when he spotted his and Ryan's mothers in each others arms crying their eyes out. Ryan's dad was looking over the map he had highlighted for them for what had to be the hundredth time, but Chad could see, when Mr. Evans looked down, that he was fighting as hard as the rest of them to keep a hold of his emotions. God…Chad rolled his eyes to force the hot tears that came into them back. This was not going to happen. He was going to keep control of himself.

"Chad, you okay?" Ryan asked quietly, taking Chad's hand as he stepped up next to him.

"Yeah," Chad attempted a small smile as he looked over at Ryan, "Just thinking."

"About Troy? Don't worry, love. You'll stay in touch."

Chad turned a little, leaning his hip against his truck before hooking two fingers in the belt loops of Ryan's skinny jeans and pulling him closer. Ryan smiled and came in so that the only contact between them was Chad's fingers through his belt loops, but they were close enough that if either of them leaned in toward the other in the slightest their bodies would align and their lips would touch. As it was, Chad didn't need to be any closer to Ryan to feel the electric current that ran between them even now. He smiled at Ryan, a true smile, and marveled at just how well Ryan knew him.

"Thanks, babe," Chad murmured.

" 'Course," Ryan leaned forward and took Chad's lips in a gentle, chaste kiss. They broke it off with twin sighs when they heard the camera shutter and turned to see Jackson pointing the lens of the camera he had gotten for his birthday at them. He hadn't put it down for days and the constant flashes at intimate moments were starting to grate a little. Jackson just laughed when Chad made a playful lunge at him and danced away. To annoy someone else, they were sure.

"We better get this over with," Ryan sighed, "Or we'll never get out of here in time to make it tonight.

"You're right," Chad agreed, "I'll take your family first. You take mine, then we'll switch?"

"Sounds like a plan."

An hour later they were finally on the highway. It was too late to turn back, anything they'd forgotten would have to be shipped, and the walkie talkies that kept them in touch with Zeke and Sharpay in the car behind them had lost their novelty. They hadn't spoken for nearly forty minutes, but their silence was comfortable as Ryan looked out the window. Chad kept his eyes on the road and thought about his family.

"Take care of yourself," Darrick and Paul had told him.

"Take care of Ryan," Emily and Carmen had said.

"Take care of each other," his mother had stressed gently as she held him close, "I miss you already, baby. The house is going to feel so empty now."

"Come on, Mama," he'd tried to laugh, but had been barely able to whisper, "Ryan and I'll be home so much you'll forget we ever left."

"Counting on it," She'd been strong for him and had done her best to keep the tears at a minimum, "I love you so much, Chad."

"I love you, too, Mama. Now and forever, you're my best girl." He'd hugged her closer. Had she always been so small? Had he always been able to tuck her head under his chin? He couldn't help but feel guilty that he was leaving her. It had been the two of them for so long. It had finally made him laugh when he realized that he was going to worry about her just as much as she was going to worry about him. "It's only Colorado. I'll be home before you know it. And meanwhile you'll have Bri and Jackson and Sage running around."

He imagined Ryan's farewells to his parents had been much the same, but knew they didn't have to talk about it. He reached across the seat for Ryan's hand to find that he was met half way as Ryan had had the same idea. They smiled at each other briefly as they linked fingers. Chad turned his eyes back to the road, but lifted Ryan's hand to kiss his knuckles gently.

"Here we go," Ryan whispered.

"Here we go," Chad echoed quietly and lowered their hands to rest on the seat between them again.

**A/N: I was going to add more, but that just seemed like the place to stop. Please let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

Freshman orientation was, Chad decided, extremely disorienting. He found himself wondering over the next three days if he was the only one who was feeling more than a little overwhelmed by all of the colors all over the campus, the extremely perky RAs and freshman leaders, and the "we're cool even though we're your administrators" speeches they were forced to sit through in overcrowded auditoriums where half of the people there were parents who weren't quite ready to leave their children yet. Then again, so many of the kids were not allowed to have their cars so they needed their parents to take them to take them to pick up everything you never thought you needed for a dorm room. Like a broom or snacks or breakfast food or a laundry bag and who the hell had ever thought that storage was going to become so paramount? Somehow Ryan's father had pulled some strings and they were both allowed to have their cars, despite their freshman status, so luckily that was one thing they didn't gave to worry about like the others, but that didn't stop the serious case of information overload that was threatening to make his head explode. He passed another freshman, between her rapidly speaking parents, and shot her a sympathetic smile. Her expression turned from one of terror and stress to one of exhausted appreciation. Sometimes all it took was knowing someone was in the same boat with you, Chad mused, and he saw in her arms the same book that he had been assigned for his first class. It would be nice to be on good terms with at least one person before his professor scared the crap out of him again three days from now.

After their service trip. Oh, God. He stopped in his tracks and nearly groaned. He had completely spaced the service trip he was supposed to be leaving for in the morning. What the hell kind of college welcomed them all to their freshman year by forcing them into groups of ten to twelve people they didn't know with leaders that were entirely too excited about their college experience so that they could go work their asses off at some service oriented project or other that was out of the state for the remaining three days before classes began? Maybe their plan was to exhaust them into not being petrified stiff about their freshmen year. Ryan had, of course, been completely excused from the service trip he had been assigned to as classes were beginning at the Alterman school the next day. And that was hard. It was hard enough being here with no one else but Ryan he really knew around. But to now have to go on a service trip where he wouldn't see Ryan for three days on top of it…Was it any wonder that he felt a little overwhelmed? He felt nearly ready to tear his hair out, or break down crying, or both as he walked into the student center.

But, there he was, Chad sighed and felt his heart settle when he spotted Ryan seated at one of the couches, his head back and his eyes closed as he listened to his iPod. There was a drink from the small coffee shop in his hand and another on the table before him that Chad recognized as being bought for him. He smiled and made his way slowly to his lover, his love. He took up the drink he knew Ryan had gotten for him and took a deep swallow, allowing the chai tea Ryan had gotten him hooked on to slide down his throat and sooth him further. He sat on the low table in front of Ryan and placed a hand on his knee. Ryan jerked a little as he woke and Chad's brow furrowed. It wasn't often that Ryan could fall asleep when so much chaos was going on around him, but his surprise suggested that he had indeed been asleep.

"You okay, babe?" Chad asked quietly, leaning in closer. He discreetly set his fingers to the inside of Ryan's wrist and was relieved to find Ryan's heart at a steady pace. Ryan frowned down at Chad's fingers on his wrist, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"I'm fine," he said shortly, pulling his hand away.

"Fine!" Chad stood, his own temper getting the best of him, "Whatever you say, Ryan. Do whatever you want."

"Chad, wait!" Ryan called, pushing himself up off of the small couch and catching up to Chad just as he was out the door and storming onto the quad.

"Just wait a minute!" Ryan grabbed his arm and spun him around with more power than he thought possible in his own body, letting him know that the only reason it happened was because Chad allowed it to happen. Chad's eyes were blazing when he turned around to face Ryan. He jerked his arm out of Ryan's grasp and crossed them.

"What, Ryan?" He asked.

"What's the matter with you?" Ryan asked.

"What the matter with me?" Chad scoffed, "Come on, Ryan! I'm miles from home, I don't know anyone but you, I came here specifically for you and you snap at me the first time I try to take care of you even a little!"

"I don't need you to take care of me, Chad!" Ryan nearly shouted. It was then they realized the audience they had and, without a word, began to walk quickly until they arrived at their dorm room. Another string pulled by Ryan's father had made them roommates and they had been so grateful for it at the time.

"I don't need you to take care of me!" Ryan repeated as Chad closed the door, "Do you know how much it took to let my parents come here with only you? They were going to send someone with me! I'm still not sure they don't have a tail on me! But, I don't need their concern and I don't need you to treat me like a child! I've been completely healthy since it happened! I go to the doctor once every two weeks just to make sure, or had you forgotten?"

"I didn't forget!" Chad ran a hand through his hair, "I can't forget! I…" He crossed the room in two steps and pushed Ryan so that he was sitting on one of the beds. Ryan was about to protest until he saw the emotion in Chad's eyes. He snapped his mouth shut and allowed himself to seethe as Chad continued to speak, crouching in front of him, "Ryan, when…everything happened…it was the scariest time of my life. I still have nightmares where I see you fall down those stairs. Now that we're on our own here it's going to be harder for me. I'm sorry if that's going to harder for you, too. I know you don't need me to take care of you, but I want to. I need to. I'll always need to make sure you're okay and healthy, no matter what, for the rest of our lives. And I need you to not be a bitch about it, okay? I do it because I love you. I'm sorry I lost my temper. I'm just a little overwhelmed by all of this. I don't want to go on the damn trip and I just wish I knew someone else here."

"Chad," Ryan cupped his face in his hands, "We're going to be fine. We'll make friends before you know it, promise. And, the trip will be good, I'm sure. Fun," He made a face and they both almost smiled at the lie they knew he was telling. After all, he didn't have to go on one, "I'll miss you, too, but if we can't get along without each other for three days…We just need to learn to be apart just as well as when we're together. We can't become everything to each other or we'll get sick of each other before we even have a chance to really be together on our own. I'm sorry that I reacted how I did. You were only trying to take care of me and I know it. I'm a little overwhelmed, too. But, we're going to be okay."

"Course we are," Chad growled.

Ryan wrapped one hand around Chad's neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Chad responded by getting back to his feet and pushing Ryan onto the bed so that he was lying prone before he began to unbutton strip Ryan of his clothes almost desperately. Ryan half sat up and did the same thing with Chad. The sex was something they hadn't done in a long time. It was brutal and animalistic as they took from each other everything they needed with no thought for the other's pleasure. They hadn't had sex like this since they had come out of the closet. They'd made love plenty of times, but they hadn't had this much energy, this much anger, in a long time. Strangely enough, it just made it better for them and they both cried out without words as they fell over the edge together.

"Are you okay?" Chad panted as they lay side by side. He held Ryan's hand clasped over his heart as they both fought to regain their breath and cool their overheated bodies, "I was rough with you."

"I was just as rough with you," Ryan panted, then propped himself up on his free elbow. He grinned down at Chad, "It was incredible."

"It was, wasn't it?" Chad smiled, set a hand to Ryan's cheek and leaned up to kiss his tenderly, "Of course, you're always amazing."

"Shouldn't we still be mad at each other?" Ryan asked, "We were both kind of assholes to each other."

"Yeah, but that was what the angry sex was for," Chad said, pulling Ryan down so that his head rested on his chest, above his heart, "If we're going to be separated for the next three days I really don't want us to be angry at each other, do you?"

"No," Ryan agreed, "You know, you could always pretend you're sick and get out of the trip. We could break in this room. With everyone else on trips we could maybe even break in the showers."

"We could," Chad nodded, "But, wasn't it you who just said that we need to learn to get along without each other as well as we do with each other."

"I did. We do," He rolled over, laughing, and bent to kiss Chad again, "Eventually."


	6. Chapter 6

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

"You're looking better and better, Ryan."

Ryan spun around quickly snapping to attention and perfect posture when he heard the voice of the woman nearly three times his age who could still out-dance any one of the students at her school or the dancers in her company. Tala Alterman was somewhere between fifty and sixty though she would never tell them just where between the two numbers her actual age was, but she looked nearly ten years younger. Her face wasn't smooth as it had been when she was a girl, but the lines were from smiling. Her hair, always worn loose unless she was dancing, was beginning to go white, but she refused to dye it. She took pride that her body still looked every bit as good as it had when she was in her twenties and if a doctor had helped a little in that department she felt no shame. She worked out and was in better shape than women half her age. Why shouldn't she be a little vain to make sure her boobs and butt stayed exactly where she wanted them? Ryan hadn't really spoken to her since his audition but he, like everyone else at the school, absolutely adored her. And feared her. But, just a little bit.

"Ms. Alterman!" He tried not to wince when his voice cracked as if he had just hit puberty.

"Tala," She smiled and linked her arm through his, giving him no choice but to walk away from where he had been putting street clothes on over his dance clothes to go back to his dorm room.

"Tala," He agreed, wondering if he'd ever actually be able to think of her that way.

"Andrei has been telling me that you're much too good to be in his classes. I observed you tonight and I've come to the conclusion that he's right. You're much more advanced than his students."

"But I'm not!" Ryan looked at her incredulously, "There's still so much more I can do in Andrei's classes! My technique needs so much work and he's such a drill sergeant about it."

"You're right on all counts, Ryan," Tala agreed, "Your technique does need work. You're a little sloppy because you've never had anyone really challenge how you're dancing. And that's why I'm moving you into my classes. The size is smaller. I'll be able to work with you more individually than Andrei has time for. And I want to start coaching sessions and a work out schedule with you to build up your endurance and your muscle. I think you're ready to start partnering as well as soloing and corps dancing."

"Tala…I…" Ryan's throat had closed. He didn't know what to say.

Tala made a clicking noise with her tongue and stopped walking. She was a small woman, but imposing, when she stood in front of Ryan and crossed her arms in a way that said she would not be argued with. "Self deprecation and modesty are all well and good, Ryan, but if you want to get anywhere in this business you're going to have to learn to say out loud just how good you are. Because you are very good, Ryan. And you have the potential to be great. I want to see you meet it. You can begin to do that in my classes. But, it's going to take a lot of work. A lot more hours. So I need to know if this is even what you want. Are you willing to put the effort in? 'Cause if you're not, I'm not sure what you're doing here."

"No!" Ryan was almost ready to throw himself at her feet, "I am willing! It's everything I want! Everything!"

"I know," Tala's face, so serious just a moment before, broke into a radiant smile, "I just needed to make sure that you knew what you wanted. So…I'll see you in classes on Monday night?"

Ryan just nodded.

"Good. We'll make up a work-out and coaching session afterwards. And when we hold auditions for the company at the beginning of December I want you to be there."

"To audition?" Ryan managed to get out of his closing throat.

"Yes, to audition."

"But, I'm…"

"Young," Tala agreed, "And if I put you next to Andrei on the stage you'd look like a baby. I'm not saying you'll even make the audition. I don't know. But, I want you to try. Even if you don't make it the audition will be good experience."

"But, what if I did make it?"

"If you make it…you'll be training for nearly two years before I let you step foot on the stage. You'll understudy for almost everyone. It'll be hard. You're feet will bleed, you'll hurt in places you never even knew you had, and once you're ready to move on to a bigger company or a bigger city you will never, ever, want for a job. Think on it for a while. You have the weekend to get ready for classes and two months to get ready for auditions. Go home. See you Monday."

When Ryan told Chad what had happened later that night he thought that Chad would be happy for him. He tried not to be too disappointed when Chad simply smiled gently and congratulated him in a quiet voice that he hadn't used since Ryan had been in the hospital. But, he decided, the congratulations was real and so he had no right to be angry at Chad at all. And what good would starting a fight do when Chad was not himself at all?

"Is everything okay, babe?" He asked gently, setting a hand to Chad's shoulder blade.

"Fine," Chad smiled that same soft smile, "Everything's fine. I'm a little tired. It was a long day. But, I'm sure it was for you, too."

"Do you want to get a late dinner?"

"I already ate. Thanks though. If you want me to go out with you though I could go for a drink."

"Okay," Ryan smiled, "That sounds good. Why don't we go, then?"

"Sure."

Chad took a step and his knees buckled. Ryan called out his name and caught him in his arms even as Chad insisted in that soft, weak Ryan realized now, voice that he had been using all evening that he was fine. Ryan lowered them both gently to the floor.

"Babe," Ryan set his lips to Chad's forehead, "You're burning up."

"Took some medicine earlier. Felt better. Not feeling so hot now." He laughed gently, then groaned.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Ryan asked, trying not to laugh in return.

"Didn't want to spoil your news. I'm so proud of you. I thought that I could get through a dinner at least. I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry, sweetheart," Ryan pressed a kiss to the abundant hair. He was just glad that it wasn't something he had done that was making Chad act so strange.

"Ryan…" Chad moaned, "Gonna…Gonna be…"

Ryan didn't have to hear anymore. With a strength he had never dreamed he possessed, he had helped Chad to his feet and they were out in the hall and to the bathroom in seconds. Ryan pulled Chad's hair back from his face and rubbed his back gently as Chad emptied his stomach. When he was through Ryan steadied Chad as he brushed his teeth, helped him back to their room and into pajamas and bed.

"I'm sorry, Ry," Chad moaned, "I know this weekend is going to be gross. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to check into a hotel or something."

"Chad," Ryan got into the bed beside his boyfriend and laid himself out against Chad's back, his hand gripping Chad's hip, "I wouldn't be anywhere else. I love you."

"I knew it was you," Chad sighed.

"What do you mean?" Ryan leaned over and pressed a kiss to just under Chad's ear. He was pretty sure that Chad was nearly asleep and a little delirious with his fever, but it wasn't often that his boyfriend was so pliable. It also wasn't often that Chad was the one that needed to be taken care of. He was so strong, took such good care of Ryan, that Ryan often forgot sometimes Chad needed him as much as he needed Chad. It was a nice reminder, even if Chad was feeling so bad and would probably throw up twelve more times this weekend, not all of which he would make it to a toilet for. And that was gross, like Chad had said, but somehow to Ryan it was sweet. Right now Chad smelled like warm bed and toothpaste and his own unique scent. Ryan snuggled closer.

"My mom said she knew Dad was the one when he stayed with her when she was sick about a year into their relationship. She loved him already but she didn't know he would be the love of her life, and her husband, until he was holding her hair while she puked her guts out. I knew you were mine, Ryan. Will you marry me?"

"Chad, this is the sweetest, most ridiculous conversation we have ever had," Ryan was getting sleepy as well.

"I probably won't remember it," Chad chuckled and sighed, sinking deeper into his pillow.

"Probably," Ryan agreed.

"But, you'll still marry me?"

"Of course, Chad," Ryan kissed his hair, feeling ridiculously happy and in love considering the situation, "Just as soon as we can."

"Good," Chad murmured.

"Good," Ryan agreed, and surrendered himself to sleep.

**A/N: The conflict of the story will be coming up in the next couple of chapters. Please drop a review if you have time. I'd really appreciate it. So sorry that this chapter was so long. I'm hoping the next chapters will be coming sooner and faster now that I have them all planned out! T.H.**


	7. Chapter 7

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

**Author's Note: Please, PLEASE drop a review if you have time. I'd really appreciate it.**

"Ryan, coming out for dinner?"

Ryan looked up from his dance bag and the clothing he was tossing into it with a smile already on his face. He shook his head and called out his thanks before going back to digging through his bag. He could have sworn that he left his newsboy cap in the side pocket like he did with every single one of his hats every night after company rehearsal. The past six months had been like a haze of never ending dreams coming true. First, he had been placed in the advanced classes learning from Tala Alterman herself. Then, he had been accepted when he had auditioned for the company. The past four months he had been learning so much from so many talented dancers. It felt like it wasn't real. How could it be real that he was allowed to dance with Mariella, who had been a professional dancer since she was sixteen? How could it be that she liked when they partnered? How could it be that he was considered almost on the same level as the same man who had been teaching him just months before? How could it be that they considered him their equal despite the fact that he was so much younger? Of course, he wouldn't be allowed on the stage for nearly two more years, but that didn't matter. He was right on track to achieving everything he had ever wanted. He was working harder than he had ever worked in his life, and longer hours, but he had never been happier. He still attended school, though he wondered if it was a waste of time now, but Tala insisted that all of her dancers finish school if they started it in the first place.

"Always finish what you start, babies. Who knows…That degree might just pay off someday."

He was a little worried and upset that he hadn't had much time for Chad lately, but Chad didn't seem to mind. They still slept side by side in their bed, holding each other. They made love nearly every night and it was always incredible. They went out to dinner when they could. They were still as comfortable around each other as they had always been. But, sometimes Chad would get a far off look in his eye as if he was somewhere else entirely and not with Ryan at all and Ryan would have to gently coax him back to reality. To be honest, Ryan was worried that Chad wasn't putting up more of a fuss that they didn't have very much time at all together. Chad had always been an extremely possessive boyfriend. Possessive in a way that Ryan liked, wanting to be with him as much as possible, wanting to hold him and love him. Chad still made sure to tell Ryan that he was his number one priority, that everything else was second to their love, but Ryan was starting to doubt it. If he was the only thing on Chad's mind, why did Chad go so far away sometimes when they were together? If Chad still loved him like he had before, why wasn't he more upset that they didn't have as much time together?

He growled at his bag when his hat failed to materialize and felt the tears fill his eyes. He knew exactly what was going on. He just had to admit it to himself. Chad wasn't upset because he had found someone else already. He wasn't cheating on him, Ryan knew that much. Chad was too good a guy and his mother had raised him too well. He would never cheat and he did believe that he was still in love with Ryan as he had been, but there was someone else Chad saw sometimes. And someday soon he would realize that he wanted to be with someone else more than he cared to work it out with a boyfriend who was never around. He wanted to fight for Chad, but he wanted his career, too. Did he want his career more? Was he just being stupid and ridiculous? Maybe Chad was just into his classes. That was probably it. He felt his heart clench. He didn't want to lose Chad. Chad was the first person to love him the way he had always wanted to be loved and his longest relationship to date. He didn't want to lose the comfort of knowing there was always someone to go to, to love, to hold.

"Looking for this?" Ryan's head snapped up when a voice interrupted his thoughts. Andrei stood in the door of the changing room, Ryan's striped newsboy cap dangling off of his finger.

"You found it!" Ryan forced a happy tone around the lump of emotion in his throat, "Where was it?"

"In the hall outside of the studio. It must have fallen out of your bag earlier."

"That doesn't make any sense. I thought I took it off in here, but I guess I must just be a little crazy." He laughed a little and was mortified when it turned into a little sob. Scrubbing the back of his hand over his eyes, he turned away from Andrei and tried to pull himself under control again.

"Hey, hey," Andrei's smooth low voice was comforting and the hand he set to Ryan's shoulder was real and warm, "What is it, Ryan? What's wrong?"

When Ryan only began to cry harder Andrei spun the younger man around and into a comforting embrace. Ryan went into it willingly, tucking his head against Andrei's shoulder and letting his tears fall with no shame. Andrei rocked him gently, shushing him quietly.

"What is it, little one?" Andrei asked when the sobs had calmed a little.

"I think…" Ryan hiccupped, "I think my boyfriend must be in love with someone else."

"Why do you think that?" Andrei questioned softly, "Has he said anything about wanting to break up or something of that kind?"

"No," Ryan admitted, feeling the shame and embarrassment coming up into his cheeks, "He's never said anything like it, but I just…I just feel it."

"Sometimes our instincts are the only things we have." Andrei wrapped him in his arms again, "Yours seem to be good. Mine, on the other hand, are not so good."

"Why do you say that?" Ryan pulled back just enough to grab one of the clean towels from his bag and wipe his face clean of the remaining evidence of his tears and upset.

"Because you're very vulnerable right now, Ryan. Vulnerable and beautiful and all my instincts keep screaming at me to do is kiss you. And it's the last thing you need right now."

"No," Ryan froze half way through putting his towel away, his back to Andrei. If Chad was already through with their relationship, whether he knew it or not yet, then when he finally did break it off between them Ryan wanted to be able to hurt him just as much as he was going to be hurt, "No, I'd say your instincts are just right. I need to be kissed."

He realized what he had just said and in an instant knew that he could never hurt Chad with betrayal, no matter if Chad had hurt Ryan or not, and was about to add, "But, not by you," when suddenly he was spun around into Andrei's arms and the older man had crushed his lips against his. The kiss couldn't have been more different than when Chad kissed him. Even when Chad had still been in the closet, he had never kissed Ryan without a care as to how Ryan felt about the kiss. But, everything about the way Andrei was kissing him, from the way he pushed his tongue deep into Ryan's mouth before he was ready for it to the way he held Ryan tight enough to bruise let Ryan know that he didn't care about the kiss they were sharing. He didn't care about Ryan at all. Then, the angle of the kiss changed and it was a little bit better and suddenly Ryan thought that maybe Andrei wasn't so bad, that he had just been over zealous. He knew he was wrong and that Andrei didn't give a shit about him when he let Ryan go and he was just grinning like he had won some sort of prize.

"So, how was that to make you forget your boyfriend?" Andrei asked, arrogance in every aspect of him, "There's more from where that came from. How about we head over to my place?"

"How about we don't," Ryan shook his head and backed away.

"You being a little cock tease?" Andrei's eyes narrowed.

"I guess I am," Ryan answered, "But if I'm going to be cheating on my boyfriend, whether he's in love with someone else or not, it's not going to be with you."

Ryan picked his back up and felt confident as hell as he walked away from the sputtering man.

"Good for you, Ryan," Tala slipped out of the shadows when he was in the hall, "Andrei's made it his little game for the past three years to sleep with every new boy who joined the company. Most weren't able to resist him. Obviously you know yourself better. I'm glad. He needed to be knocked down a peg. He's a good dancer and an awful human being."

"Then why is he in the company? And why didn't you warn me about him before?"

"You're young, Ryan, you're not stupid. Even if I'd warned you about him he still would have tried and you might have given in just to prove to me that he wanted you and not just another notch on his bedpost. As for why, he's in the company…if I turned down every dancer who was an arrogant ass my company would only have three dancers. You're both adults. I'll trust you to handle yourselves accordingly. I'll see you this weekend for the intensive."

"Shit!" Ryan dropped his bag, "I completely spaced telling you that I made plans to go home this weekend to see one of my sister's productions and spend some time with my family. Chad and I are leaving on Thursday, but we'll be back on Monday."

"Ryan, you are an apprentice in a professional company. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. This weekend is not optional. Maybe you're not willing to dedicate yourself like I thought. If you're not there are fifty more dancers in the school right now who would be more than willing to take your slot."

"But…" Ryan sputtered, "Tala! I haven't been home in months! I didn't even go back for Christmas because we had an intensive starting the day after!"

"That's the price you pay for being a professional, Ryan. You make the choice."

"Tala, I…"

"Don't want to hear it, Ryan," Tala held up a hand, "Sometimes I'm your friend. Sometimes I'm the woman running the company. Right now I'm the women running the company. I need to know that you're not going to flake out every time some little thing comes up. Maybe if you hadn't spaced it we could have worked something out. As it is, either you're here this weekend or you're out of the company. It's as simple as that. Now, go home, Ryan. Get some sleep."

He was still angry, fuming really, when he stormed into the dorm room he shared with Chad and he saw red. Chad was already packing a bag for their weekend in New Mexico. He seemed happy and full of energy as he bounded up to Ryan and hugged him excitedly. Ryan pushed him away, disgusted and was feeling just vindictive enough that he took pleasure in the brief pain that flashed across Chad's face before it was replaced with concern.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing's wrong. And don't call me baby!" Ryan hissed.

"Ryan…I've always called you baby. You've never complained before. What is it? What's wrong with you?"

"Maybe I just don't feel like you deserve to give me pet names after the way you've been treating me the past couple of months!" Ryan screamed, "Ignoring me like I'm not here. Having your mind on something else entirely even when we do get some time together! Something or someone!"

"Ryan, why are you saying these things?" Chad asked, the hurt spreading across his face. Ryan had expected anger. He could have dealt with anger. Instead all Chad's hurt did was make him more furious, "How have I been treating you? I thought everything was fine! I thought we were fine! I…I'm sorry if I've been a little distracted, it's just that I think I've finally found what I want to do and it's kind of got me excited. You're never here. I just thought we were learning to get along without each other, like you said we had to and when things calmed down a little for both of us, we'd be us again, we'd be okay. It's just an adjustment period, Ry. But, we can use this weekend to talk it out, can't we? We can use this weekend to learn to be us again."

"I'm not going home with you this weekend, Chad," Ryan let his voice cool as he sat at his computer and turned it on, "There's an intensive this weekend I can't miss."

"Ryan, you haven't been home at all since we got here!" There was the anger Ryan had wanted, "Sharpay was counting on you to be at her performance this weekend. You promised her!"

Ryan sneered, hating himself, but knowing that if he didn't stay angry he would cry, "I'm working on my career, Chad. It's more important than going to see a subpar college performance just because my semi talented sister is in it."

Chad backed into his desk as if Ryan had slapped him, "Who are you? I don't even know you. What happened? What's going on? Why are you acting this way?"

Ryan stood. He hated lying to Chad, but it was the only way to get Chad mad enough to break it off before he could hurt him even more, "I just realized today that if I want to get everything I've ever dreamed I have to take it and not worry about anyone else."

"Ryan, this isn't you," Chad was across the room like lightning, and cupping Ryan's face in his hands, "What's wrong? What's gotten into you? You're scaring me!" He leaned in and kissed Ryan with all the passion he had, as if he could bring Ryan back to him like in a fairy tale. When he pulled back Ryan almost pulled him close again, wanting to tell him he was sorry, wanting to tell him he didn't mean anything he had said in the past ten minutes, that he loved Chad, that he didn't love anyone else and never could. That he knew his family, Chad's family, and their love was the most important thing in his life. But, when he saw the stunned disbelief on Chad's face and the betrayal in his eyes he knew it was too late. Chad had just discovered something that Ryan would never be able to take back.

"You…" Chad touched his lips, "You taste like someone else."

Ryan tossed his hair, needing to finish everything, "I wanted him,'' he shrugged, "So, I took him."

Chad grabbed his keys and ran from the room, leaving everything else behind, including his cell phone, Ryan realized. As soon as the door was shut he fell to his knees and began to sob. What the hell had he just done and why had he even done it? How could he ever expect Chad to forgive him when he didn't even know why he had hurt him in the first place? He curled around himself and cried himself to sleep, only waking when his cell phone rang at four o'clock in the morning.

"Ryan," Sharpay's voice was flat, "There's been an accident. You better come home. It's Chad."


	8. Chapter 8

"What did you do?"

Ryan was expecting the screaming when he walked into the hospital. Sharpay was, after all, one of the most dramatic people who had ever walked the earth. Normally it was something he loved about her. It could never be denied that Sharpay was one of a kind and he loved being part of that simply by virtue of being her twin. But, there was something about the way she was shrieking at him now, something so much deeper than mere annoyance and drama. And he hadn't expected the slap at all. It stung sharply and he lifted a hand to his reddened cheek just before she threw herself at him and pounded on his chest. The blows were not light. She was actually hitting him. For a moment he simply stood and blinked, he was so shocked. As conniving as his sister was, she was not violent in any way, shape, or form. When he couldn't say anything at all she looked up and he found himself backing away in surprise. She moved with him so that they were still chest to chest and looked up at him. There were tears in her eyes. Sharpay never cried, not for real. She wasn't even capable of shedding tears on stage. She had to use carefully concealed, swiftly and skillfully applied eye drops. When she was upset, heartbroken even, Sharpay reacted by getting cold, shutting down. She didn't like to cry, so she didn't do it. But, here she was now. She had stopped hitting him. Now she was simply clinging to him, sobbing. He could feel her tears seeping into his shirt. His breath started coming in short, quick gasps. Something had to be seriously wrong with Chad. He hadn't believed it until that moment.

When Sharpay had called him, just over four hours ago, she had said less than twenty words and had hung up. He had simply taken her word for it and booked the next flight home, even though he wasn't even all that sure that there was anything wrong. After all, Sharpay was a good actress and liked Chad. With how much of a jerk Ryan had been lately, never speaking to her, never coming home, he hadn't been able to get the thought out of his head that perhaps the two of them had conspired to bring him home. It had been a stupid thought, he knew, but it was what had kept him sane during the flight home. It was what had sustained him on the cab ride to the hospital. Now he didn't even have the thought to keep all of his panic and fear from overwhelming him. The quick, short gasps of air weren't enough, but he couldn't seem to force himself to take deeper breaths. His lungs were starting to burn. The edge of gray around his vision was spreading fast. He felt his knees go weak and reached up to take her elbows in his hands, trying to keep himself up right.

"Ryan…" Her voice and eyes were considerably softer when she looked at him again. She put her hands to his shoulders and pushed gently, helping him go to the floor slowly, "That's it. Put your head between your knees. Breathe with me. In and out. And again, in and out. Deep breaths. That's good. You're doing fine. Almost over it now. In and out. In and out."

Ryan had had panic attacks from a very young age. The first doctor he had seen when he was eight had attributed them to his naturally dramatic nature, but his parents had argued that it was Sharpay who was the dramatic one. In general, Ryan was calm and put together. The doctor had then smirked at his parents and suggested that his panic attacks might be due to the flamboyance he exhibited and had pushed a brochure for a camp meant to "put children on the righteous path again" across the table to them. Ryan's mother had proceeded to slap him, Ryan's father had threatened to sue him and they had made it more than clear that their son was just fine the way he was and had never gone back. Soon after, the doctor had lost him prominent position and was forced to move to another city. Ryan's parents denied still that they had had anything to do with it. The doctor Ryan had seen after that had diagnosed panic attacks, but hadn't wanted to put Ryan on medications due to his youth.

"Most people can control their panic attacks without the help of medication, Ryan, and I'm confident that you can, too. I'm sure Sharpay will help you. Won't you, sweetheart?"

Dr. Stone had been their doctor until they moved to New Mexico and he came to see them every summer at Lave Springs. Sharpay was best at calming Ryan down, just as Dr. Stone had shown her all those years ago. Just as she was doing as they sat on a hospital floor, her arms around him and her cheek to his hair.

"What happened?" Ryan looked up as soon as he was able to breathe properly, "Please, Shar. What happened to Chad?"

"Car accident," She said quietly as she sat next to him and leaned against the wall. He sat back and curled into her, relieved when she put her arms around him, offering comfort even if she didn't believe he deserved any, "He…he was almost home. He was in town. He called me from the gas station off of Boulder. He said he'd see me tomorrow. But, he was so upset. I told him I'd meet him at that little diner down the street. I was driving. Traffic came to a stop at the intersection just east…I recognized his truck. They were just cutting him loose when I got out of the car. I called Mom and Dad and rode in the ambulance with him." She was sobbing again as she related the story and they clung to each other, "It was a drunk driver. I was so worried about him driving so upset all night and it was a stupid drunk driver when he got back into town! And he's fine! A bump on the head. And Chad…"

"What about Chad?" Ryan could hardly force the whisper out, he was so afraid.

"I don't know. None of us know. He's still in surgery. He…His heart stopped in the ambulance on the way here, but they got it started again. He looked so small and there was so much blood…" They both dissolved into sobs and simply held onto each other. Ryan didn't know how long they held each other, crying, before the sweet voice cut into his thoughts.

"Ryan, baby!"

"Mama Ay?" Ryan looked up and saw Chad's mother reaching for him. He was on his feet in an instant and running to her, "Mama Ay! Has the doctor come out? What's happening? Please, tell me something, Mama!"

"Chad's in the ICU, baby," Ayana said quietly, "He made it though his surgery, but there's no…the doctor's just don't know yet. I'm just so glad you weren't in the car with him, sweetie." She wrapped him in her arms and tucked his head under her chin. For the first time Ryan realized that the only person who knew he had fought with Chad at all was Sharpay. He might have called his mother, but he hadn't told her the reason he'd been alone was because Ryan had screwed up, had kissed another boy, had broken his heart. Ryan clung to her and wished more than anything that he could take back everything that had happened in the last twelve hours. But, wishes rarely came true and right now the only thing that mattered was Chad.

"When can I see him?"


	9. Chapter 9

**All previous disclaimers apply.**

**Author's Note: Sorry this has been so long in coming. I kind of lost inspiration for a bit. There will be an epilogue chapter coming shortly. I hope you like it! Please leave a comment if you have time! Thanks and happy reading, T.H.**

Ryan sat by Chad's bedside for six days, never leaving for longer than it took to take a shower in the bathroom in Chad's single that his family had procured for him. Ayana had wanted to argue that the Evans family didn't need to pay for Chad's treatment, but none of them would hear of anything else. They flew whatever specialists they could in and made sure that Chad had the best treatment available. The general consensus of the doctors was that Chad would pull through. He was young and strong, had never had any problems with his health, and had so many people around him who loved him that he had to know he had a lot to fight for. They were always careful, however, to make the disclaimer that no one would know until he woke up how much damage had been caused to his brain by the lack of oxygen to it when his heart had stopped and the skull fracture he had suffered in the wreck. Ryan pretended not to hear when they spoke like that because it wasn't allowed that Chad might wake up and not be Chad. When he dared to fall asleep, still holding on to Chad's hand, his dreams were dark ones about Chad thinking he was still a child, about Chad having to spend the rest of his life being fed and washed because he would never be able to do it for himself again, about Chad not remembering who he was, not loving him anymore. His worst nightmare, one he woke from with Darrick shaking him gently and shushing as he sobbed afterwards, was that Chad would wake up and remember everything…and not want Ryan back, his betrayal of their love too great for his tender, loving, beautiful heart to handle. He tearfully confessed to Emily what had driven Chad from their room that night, needing to get it off of his chest. He was surprised when she looked at him with love still in her eyes, moved to him, and wrapped him in her arms.

"You made a mistake, Ryan," She whispered, "Because you were scared. I can't tell you that everything will be alright because it might not be. But, I can tell you that anyone can see how much you love Chad. Trust that. Trust him to know it when he wakes." They never allowed themselves to say 'if' because that wasn't an option, "Now sing for your nephew and mine and show them both how much you love them."

She placed Sage in his arms, sat on the edge of the bed, and stroked Chad's arms and face tenderly as Ryan began to sing quietly, stopping every so often to clear his throat, then starting again. He sang for hours that day and every day afterward, every song that reminded him of Chad in any way. Sharpay surprised him by coming by for at least two or three hours every day, holding Chad's hand in her own and adding her sweet voice to his when he was singing. He was amazed to realize just how close Chad and Sharpay had gotten over the past six months and allowed himself one moment of black guilt when he realized just how little he had been paying attention to the two people who meant most in the world to him. But, he cleared it just as quickly as it had come. It wasn't about him now. All he could do was see Chad through this and then make sure that he made it up to both of them when Chad was out of the woods. Sharpay, in the weird twin way that they had always had, seemed to know his resolve and she even graced him with a gentle smile when she left on the third day.

It was on the second day of waiting, Saturday, that Tala called. He looked at the phone for a moment, trying to decide if it was worth it to pick it up before he sighed and answered.

"Just where the hell are you, Ryan? I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I said you were either at the intensive this weekend or you were out of the company." Her voice was deceptively sweet. Ryan sighed and rolled his shoulders so that he was sitting straight. He'd known the call was coming after all and had been certain in his response for hours.

"I'm sorry, Tala. I appreciate every chance that you've given me, because you have…given me a lot, I mean. And you've been wonderful. But, I've come to the conclusion that I can't be like you or Andrei or even most of the others in the troupe. I let myself make my hypothetical future career first for just a moment and now because of it I'm sitting in a hospital room, praying that the boy…the man…I love is going to pull through. I pushed him away, Tala. I hurt him to please myself. And because I hurt him he was driving in the middle of the night when he shouldn't have been and someone stupid enough to drink and get behind a wheel hit him. So, if he makes it through I'm going to do what I never should have stopped doing and make him, and everyone I love, first in my life. Maybe I'll dance professionally some day, maybe I won't. My career will be a small price to pay…"

"Ryan…" Tala interrupted him gently, "It's okay. I don't need to hear anymore. You don't need to justify yourself to me. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You're lucky you've found that out at such a young age. Come back whenever you feel you're ready. There will always be a place for you here at the Alterman school. If you want to be a part of the company again you are going to have to re-audition, but you're such a talented dancer I've no doubt that…well, I'm sure you know what I mean. You're a good soul, Ryan, and you've already decided what it took me fifty years to find out. I'm very proud of you, baby. And I hope Chad pulls through, sweetheart. I truly do. You give us a call if you need anything. We'll all be sending positive, healing energy."

"Thank you, Tala."

He hung up the phone and began to sob, pulling Chad's limp hand to his forehead and whispering over and over again how sorry he was, how much he loved Chad, how much he wanted, needed, Chad to wake up so that he could be certain that he'd heard everything he'd said.

It was four days later when Ryan was holding Chad's hand, drifting in and out of a light doze, that Chad finally woke up. Ryan was awake with the first twitch of Chad's fingers in his hand and he waited, breathless, watching for any other sign that Chad was aware, for twenty minutes before Chad's pretty eyes fluttered open. They were unfocused for a minute, trying to take in everything around him, trying to figure it out through the drugs in his system. When they finally focused on Ryan he was afraid that they would go hard and angry, but instead Chad just smiled at him sweetly before trying to speak. He choked on his dry throat and tears flooded into his eyes as the unexpected pain. Ryan made a sound of sympathy from the back of his throat without thinking about it and reached across Chad for the small pitcher of water that had been left on the tray. He poured a small cup, put a straw in it, lifted Chad's head gently and set the straw to his lips. Chad took a couple of slow pulls, then let his head fall back. He smiled again at Ryan and Ryan felt his heart break.

"Chad…" He sobbed, laying his head down on the bed, "Chad, I love you. I'm so sorry, Chad. I love you so much."

"Ryan…" Chad whispered brokenly, his voice long since used and his lungs still weak from the accident. His hand stole over Ryan's bright hair once, twice, then rested there, "Not…your fault. I love…you, too."

"Chad, it was my fault. Maybe you don't remember yet. I…" As much as Ryan wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, he was sure that when the drugs wore off Chad would remember everything and it was important that Ryan told him the whole truth before he did or their relationship would be past the point of all repair, "I kissed someone else."

"I know," Chad smiled at him again when Ryan's head jerked up in surprise, "I was angry…at first. But…you haven't been yourself…lately. And we've been…ignoring each other for too long. We let ourselves…forget what it's like to…be in love. Can we…can we just…put everything behind us?"

"Chad," Ryan leaned over and kissed him gently before pressing their foreheads together, "You're too good for me. You know that, right?"

"No…" Chad's eyes were begging Ryan to get into the bed with him. Ryan obliged and slipped into the bed, letting Chad scoot until he was comfortably laid on Ryan's chest and Ryan's hand was resting over his heart. "I'm not. We're…just right…for each other." Ryan smiled as Chad fell back to sleep.

It shouldn't have been so easy. He knew that. After how badly he had hurt Chad it would have been within his rights to tell Ryan that he never wanted to see him again. And, of course, they were still going to have a lot of things to get through. They had been ignoring each other in favor of things that weren't nearly as important and if they wanted their relationship to last they were going to have to stop doing so. But, now they had a second chance. He had a second chance to be with Chad and that was worth everything in the world. He wasn't going to waste it. He closed his eyes and, laying his head on the top of Chad's, allowed himself to slip into sleep.

He didn't know if he'd been dozing for an hour or for a minute before he was being woken gently by a soft hand on his hair. He opened his eyes to see Mama Ay standing over him, tears of joy in her eyes. Without a word he slipped Chad slowly, carefully, out of his arms and followed her into the hall, where they fell into each other's arms, both of them sobbing.

"Everything's going to be okay now, Mama," he whispered when they had calmed enough for words.

"Yes it is, baby," She stroked his bright hair and hugged him closer, "It certainly is."


End file.
